Spotting Signs from Loved Ones Who Have Died

Every time I read Hope Edelman’s Motherless Daughters, I feel comforted in knowing that I’m not alone. In the book, Edelman talks about life as a motherless daughter and shares the stories of other daughters who have lost their moms. As helpful as it is to read these women’s stories, it’s also therapeutic to write my own story. Writing, in many ways, helps me keep my mom’s memory alive.

I sometimes wonder to what extent I should share personal stories with others. As a journalist, I’m used to telling other people’s stories, not my own. But we all have stories that need to be heard, read, and written. I’ve already shared some stories about my mom on this blog and plan to continue writing more for what I hope will someday become a memoir. Below, I wrote an essay about signs that I’ve been getting lately from my mom. I’m looking for feedback and hope you’ll share it. How can I make the essay better? What parts do you think I should explain more? What do you like/not like about it?

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I believe in the power of signs. When I veer off-course, signs point me in the right direction. When I begin to doubt, they give me reassurance. When I start to forget, they help me remember. These signs come in a multiplicity of forms – through songs, numbers, and engravings on the road. They help me to see that hope exists in the strangest of places, that death doesn’t have to be the end.

If death doesn’t liberate us, it tangles us up in webs of destruction, chaining us to the past and blinding what little vision we have of the future. We get stuck in patterns of the past, desiring what we can no longer have and asking why this, why now? I don’t have the answers, and I doubt I ever will. But in searching for them, I have found signs. In wanting to believe that there is life beyond death, I’ve found that there are ways to keep the dead alive. Not in a creepy kind of way, but in a way that reminds us that what we’ve lost doesn’t have to be forgotten.

I lost Mom when I was 11. She was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 8. The cancer eventually took over her body, spreading to her bone marrow, her liver, and eventually her brain. The fighter that she was, Mom wanted to survive, and if she couldn’t, she at least wanted to be remembered. Before she died, she dedicated a song, Sarah McLachlan’s “I Will Remember You,” to me.

“I will remember you, will you remember me? Don’t let your life pass you by, weep not for the memories …”

It’s a silly question to ask. Of course I’ll remember you, Mom, I often say. Sometimes, though, my memory fails me. How wavy was her hair before chemotherapy stole it? What did her voice sound like? What did she look like when she stood tall, before she was confined to a wheelchair? For a woman with a soul as strong as Mom’s, I couldn’t understand how her body had become so fragile. Her presence in my life, though, is anything but weak. Mom’s song is 13 years old, but it’s still played regularly on the radio. More often than not, I hear it when I’m worried about something, feeling proud, or when I’m with my dad or grandmother. It’s as if Mom is saying, “Hey, I’m here, too!” My grandma doesn’t know contemporary music, but she knows Sarah’s voice. She calls me when she hears “I Will Remember You” to let me know that Mom’s thinking of us, that she hasn’t forgotten.

It’s not a coincidence that disc jockey Casey Kasem played Mom’s song as a long distance dedication nine years ago. Just as Mom would have, I decorated my letter to Kasem with stickers and yellow and pink fluorescent magic markers. I wrote “Read me!” all over the envelope in big bubbly letters. “Do something to stand out from the rest of the crowd,” Mom always said whenever I entered a contest.

Kasem must have caught on. He read my dedication on air and shared my story with listeners nationwide. At the end of the dedication he made the mistake of saying I was from Providence. Really, I was writing from Boston, but ironically a few years later I would be heading to Providence for college. After Kasem’s introduction, Dad and I sat in my room and listened to Mom’s song together. I kept repeating my mom’s name over and over in my head. To most listeners, Robin Tenore was just another woman. To me, she was a Mom whose memory had just been revived.

The next long distance dedication on the “Top 40 Countdown” that day was Celine Dion’s “Because You Loved Me.”

“You were my strength when I was weak. You were my voice when I couldn’t speak. You were my eyes when I couldn’t see. You saw the best there was in me.”

This was the song Mom had dedicated to my dad before she died. How ironic, I thought. How Mom-like to want to make sure that neither of us was left out.

Just as Mom’s songs are special, so too is her birthday. It’s a day to celebrate her birth and her 40 years of life. I’m reminded of her July 24 birthday whenever I see her “special time” on the clock: 7:24. Not long ago I was shopping for dresses for my friends’ weddings. Naturally, I began thinking about my Mom, wishing she could be there to help me shop and to help me pick out my own wedding dress someday. I don’t know what Mom would say about the dresses I picked out. The last time we went shopping together, I was wearing OshKosh B’Gosh overalls and Punky Brewster sneakers. Would she think my dress was cute? Too low-cut? Too expensive? After finding two grown-up dresses, I ended my day of shopping and got in my car. When I looked at the clock, time stared back at me. It was 7:24 p.m.

I will remember you. Will you remember me?

There are lots of things I’ll always remember. I’ll remember waking up early and going to yard sales with Mom every Saturday morning. I’ll remember Mom’s affinity for any and all things free, and her analogies to the Little Engine That Could when describing her battle against cancer.

When I’m tired or in need of inspiration, I think of the little blue engine chugging up the mountain and I begin to feel determined. Recently, when running a road race, my energy began to wane. My friend had run ahead of me, and I was feeling discouraged and frustrated that I couldn’t keep up. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. As I approached a hill, I put my head down so I wouldn’t have to face what seemed like a mountain before me. Looking down, I saw the name “Robin” carved into the pavement. Mom, Robin Jo Tenore, was with me. Feeing her presence, I charged forward. I know I can, I know I can, I know I can.

The signs – they seem so obvious now, but they weren’t always that way. Before I believed they could be there, I wallowed in denial. Why would I have needed signs, reminders that Mom is still with me, if I didn’t believe she had actually died? For years, I tried to tell myself she hadn’t passed away. I directed every ounce of energy I had to keeping her alive. I wrote to her in my journal, I talked out loud to her, I wore her clothes. I wanted to be the same little girl I was when she died, so I tried to stay the same weight, keep the same hairdo, and stop the clock from ticking. For months, I refused to look at the calendar. I thought the older I got, the further away I would be from my mom and the easier it would be for me to forget her. During this time I stopped going to church. Last time I was in a church, Mom was in a coffin on the altar. Why go back? In losing my Mom, I lost sight of faith and love. I lost me.

I will remember you. Will you remember me?

I’ve found myself throughout the 11 years Mom has been gone, in large part because I’ve learned to understand that death doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom. Death, if we let it, can remind us of the importance of moving forward in life. I moved forward a lot during my freshman year of college. The week after I arrived at Providence College, a Catholic liberal arts college in Providence, R.I., I stepped inside St. Dominic Chapel and knelt down to pray. It was the first time I’d been to a Catholic church in years. As I prayed, I started to have trouble breathing. My chest felt tight and my heart felt like it might burst.

Then the tears came. All those tears that never came at the funeral when my mom lay on the altar, all those tears that for years I had kept hidden inside. I prayed, cried and felt a sense of peace, which continued to grow as I deepened my faith throughout college. I questioned certain Catholic beliefs and met regularly with a priest on campus who answered my questions and gave me guidance as a Christian, a student and a young woman searching for signs of remembrance. I eventually realized that although signs help direct us, they don’t always tell us where we’re going. Sometimes, I’ve found, we just need to rely on Providence. Not the city, or the school, but the idea that God directs everything toward its rightful end.

I was reminded of Providence while in New Orleans with my dad a couple of months ago. En route to Texas, we attended Mass at St. Louis Cathedral, the oldest cathedral in North America. We went on a whim, loudly tiptoeing into the service 15 minutes late. As I sat in the pews and prayed, I asked Mom for guidance. I asked her to be with me and to show me a sign that everything in Texas would be alright. Having just moved from Florida, I felt a sense of loss and wanted to know that the void inside me would somehow be filled. “Please, Mom, send me a sign now if you can,” I silently said. At that moment, my dad nudged me and pointed to a man who was walking down the aisle wearing a Providence College T-shirt. (A somewhat rare occurrence considering Providence College is a small school that mostly attracts students from the Northeast.) The man’s hands were folded in front of him, covering the word college, so all I could see was the word Providence. Mom, it seemed, was telling me to leave my worries in God’s hands, to remember that as much as we’d like to have complete control over life — and death — we can’t.

I will remember you. Will you remember me?

With so many signs, how could I ever forget? Longing for maternal love, I still weep for the memories. The tears don’t flow regularly or easily, but when they do, I let them fall. I look for signs to point me in the right direction, to remind me I’m not alone, that life doesn’t have to end with death. During a time in my life when I feel most compelled to write about my mom, I’m seeing more signs than ever: her song, her special time, her name, her answer to my prayers. It’s through writing, and being willing to receive these signs, that I’m learning to heal, and more than anything, remember.

Published by Mallary Tenore Tarpley

Mallary is a mom of two young kiddos -- Madelyn and Tucker. Mallary absolutely loves being a mom and often writes about the need to find harmony when juggling motherhood and work. Mallary is the Assistant Director of the Knight Center for Journalism in the Americas at the University of Texas at Austin, where she manages the Center's various programs related to distance learning, freedom of expression, and digital journalism. Previously, she was Executive Director of Images & Voices of Hope and Managing Editor of The Poynter Institute’s media news site, Poynter.org. Mallary grew up outside of Boston and graduated from Providence College in Rhode Island. In 2015, she received a certificate in nonprofit management from Duke University. She now lives in beautiful Austin, Texas, with her kids, husband Troy and cat Clara. She's working on a memoir, slowly but surely. You can reach her at mjtenore@gmail.com.

53 thoughts on “Spotting Signs from Loved Ones Who Have Died

  1. What a beautiful post. I’m sorry you lost your Mom to cancer – but how lovely that you are open to receiving messages from her.

    After my own dear father died of cancer I was feeling very low and during a long telephone conversation with my sister she said she had felt driven to buy a “Rosemary” plant just after father died, in remembrance of him. She potted it up and
    Had in mind a special place in the garden where it was to go. When she carried it lovingly out to position it – a tiny white feather fluttered from the sky and landed just where she was placing the
    flower pot. It was damp and tatty round the edges. She said to me, “I just knew it was from our father – that is just how he felt before he died – tatty round the edges and worn out. “Father was always very smart and took great care of himself during his lifetime. Right up until two days before his death – despite his pain, he wore a fresh shirt each day with his cuff-links, even though he was bedridden – and still shaved every day although he could no longer do this for himself. The last two days he couldn’t face shaving and stayed in his pyjamas – he couldn’t bear to be touched, such was his pain. He said he felt tatty round the edges.

    Shortly after this phonecall, I was feeling very low and craved to receive a sign from father. One day I went into the bedroom and was kneeling by the bed crying and feeling very alone and wishing my father could send me a sign that he loved me and all was well when suddenly I looked up and saw something white float past the window (like a flake of snow – but it was a sunny day) – I thought I was being silly and letting my imagination run away with myself because I so wanted a sign. Nevertheless, I ran down the stairs and opened the front door – and there at eye height, in the miniature tree that grew right next to the front door, was a tiny white feather just settling on the branches – and it was tatty round the edges.

    Later, I looked up the symbolism of feathers on the Internet – it said: the feather is an ancient symbol for good luck and represents the journey of the soul to the other realm.

    I got the message – I was open to receiving it.

    1. An uncle I loved that I felt closer to than my own father, has been sending small signs that he is with me and responding to my prayers and wishes. Out of the blue, after thinking about him, a fake flower arrangement that lights up with batteries, lit up without batteries and without being “turned on.” I was on the phone went it happened and it flickered at first, then most of it just lit up. Chills ran down my spine……. I cant even explain the feeling. All I can think is “wow”…. what an amazing gift that he gave me! Right?!

    2. I lost my wife omie in sa a day beffore tatta , she died with greats wow, me and my daughter thats s her mother on December 4th, she was such an inspirational women always writing poems for her daughter and painting, a heart attack took her away, 14 mts after having bypass surgery , imagine how shocked we were, we cremated her and took the ash to the ocean some we threw in the wind at 830 am, my friend from divine life received a message from her saying I am free as the wind free as a bird at exactly that time and texted me right then , we dropped the balance of the ash into the waters and a white jelly fish swam by, giving us hope as it signifies that when hope is lost its found, when we were back home a giant mushroom was growing in front of the house she used to talk about mushrooms all the time, she used to find under the floor boards when she was ten, wow she gave us so many signs, a week later we got news that one one of her paintings was with a women whose gallery closed down after she lost her child, meting her and getting back that painting was a miracle sign and a healing one, the lady even prayed for us saying they went ahead of us to prepare the way, we have work to still do and when we are ready we will all meet but she watches over us, and forgives us, so its to live without guilt and be free, what a blessing our dearly departed loved beloved loves us from heaven as do you all have similar signs and wonders we know that God is the best father over all. Kinnon k Naidoo husband and a person that’s thankful she loved me and our child and her friends. God bless you all

  2. Thanks so much for sharing. What a wonderful sign from your dad. It’s amazing how, if we’re open to receiving these signs, we can feel more connected to those we’ve lost. I’m glad you found the feather.

  3. Wow, what a great story. Thanks for sharing. I’m sorry you lost your mom. My mom lost her battle to pancreatic cancer almost 7 months ago. I started a journal after she died as a way of healing. I took some of the entries and started a blog in my mom’s memory(http://peace4me521.wordpress.com/). I’d like to connect with more people.

    When I posted a blog today, a link to this page appeared as being possibly related. I’m glad I followed it and read your story. My daughter used to see my mom shortly after she died, so we stared calling her “Grandmom angel”. She doesn’t see my mom anymore, but about 2 months ago, my dad pulled into his driveway with both the kids and he asked my daugher who was inside, expecting her to say the dog’s name. She said Grandmom – the garage door was open for them and my dad knows he closed it before he left.

    I try to look for signs from my mom. I know she left me a dime after I had asked her to leave me something so I’d know she was ok. She’s left things for my dad too, and there is no other explanation for these things except that they are from my mom.

    After reading your post, I’m going to start looking for more signs. Thank you!

    1. Thanks so much for your note and for sharing a link to your blog, Kathy. I’m always interested in reading stories that daughters write about their moms.

      Hope you find some signs.

  4. With tears in my eyes I am writing this, thanking all of you for sharing your memories and signs. I lost my Dad and Mom 4 months apart after two years of caregiving them through cancer, blindness and Parkinson’s. I grieved for their loss but thanked God they were suffering no more.
    After my Dad’s funeral we came back to their sweet little house with all the memories and my Mom sat there listening to laughter, stories and jokes about my Dad. It helped her so much. My brother left the house and needed time to be alone so he walked down the driveway and stood under a grove of mulberry trees my Dad had planted. Later he told us that he looked up in the night sky and saw a shooting star and a few minutes later he heard an owl hooting. He had read somewhere that in some cultures the owl was a sign from loved ones who have died that they are ok. With tears in his eyes my adult brother said out loud where no one could hear him…”Is that you Dad? I love you and miss you.”
    Four months later we buried our Mom who had a broken heart losing her best friend of 67 years. I had a hard time returning to church with memories of her casket up there near the altar but little by little she must have asked God to bring me back and stay close to Him. Several years before my Mom died she said “when I am gone, don’t grieve for me too long. I spent my whole life waiting for that beautiful day when I can be with God.”
    I did grieve and I continue to miss her and my Dad but it has gotten easier. My parent’s graves are under a big shady tree and when I visit them the birds are chirping and leaving their droppings on their grave stone and I feel their presence and their sense of humor bringing me laughter again. The gravestone was carved with my Dad’s name on the left and my Mom’s name on the right. A week after the burial we realized my Dad had played a trick on us from Heaven. My Mom was mistakenly buried on the left under my Dad’s name and my Dad was buried under my Mom’s name. We thank our parents for that last joke from Heaven and it has comforted us.

    1. Thanks so much, Helen, for sharing your story. I’m glad you see signs from your mom and dad. I can only imagine how hard it must be to lose both of your parents in such a short time span. Glad the birds are still chirping for you, though.

      Your owl is the equivalent of my butterfly. My mom loved them, so I always think of her when I see them.

      There’s another similarity between our stories: Interestingly enough, my dad’s name is on my mom’s gravestone, too. It weirds me out to see it there because it makes it seem as though he, too, has passed away. He did it mostly, he said, to show his lasting love for my mom. Above each of their names is a pair of wedding bands and a butterfly.

    2. Hi Helen,

      Thanks for your comforting message. I lost both my parents just 6 months apart after caregiving for them as well. I am only 26, this just happened. I miss them both so very much. I am glad to see you get these signs and they still have a sense of humor, even up there. 🙂

      Hugs, Karissa

    3. I relate to your owl story. My dad passed away nine years ago. The night after my dad’s awake my mom, brother and I were all seating on the side porch of my parents house all of a sudden we looked to the garage that was facing us in the back yard there was an owl seating on the very tip of the roof just looking straight at us . It was just so weird my parents had lived in that has for over 24 years we never seen an a owl before at nigth or ever.I looked into the meaning of owls and in the indian culture they are a symbol of death and mourning. Also after the one of the day after my dad’s awake we showed him two days so I can’t remember which day it was but by parents had a rose bush next to the side porch. My mom had not got to water the plants outside the way she would have usually because of my dad had been in the hospital before he passed all her other flowers were like dead.
      But not the rose bush .I said look mom look at all those rose blooms on the rose bush. Something told me to count the blooms there was exactly nine rose blooms about to bloom out . My dad passed 6th but my moms birthday June the 9th and we were about to bury him on the 9th ust always thought it was assign from God or form him saying happy birthday to my mom.
      Then on the ninth of June on her birthday and the day we buried him they were all nine bloomed it was so beautiful. My mom told me that she once seen by dad smelling the roses on that very rose bush once after he had had his quad by pass and valve replacement surgery on his heart he just looked at life differently .She asked him what he was doing he told her to ‘Just Stop and Smell the Roses .My Dad has left many signs over the years. The first Christmas after he had past I as just thinking you know like I won’t get to give him anything or him give me a gift for Christmas.Like three Christmas before he had pasted my grandma and grandpa my mom’s parents had gave me rose necklace,earring and ring three piece set. Some how the rose ring got miss placed or lost that very Christmas night my mom looked on the floors in the trash I mean she moved furniture she searched that house good we could not find it.That first Christmas after he passed it was like a couple weeks Christmas my mom called me let me remind you that ring had been missing for like four years now.She said you’ll never believe what I found.She was looking for a bo to but a small present in to rap for Christmas.She looked in the hall closet we called it the junk closet that’s her she kept wrapping paper gift bags gift boxes ,etc She grabbed a small black gift box off the shelf of the closet. There was the rose ring that had been missing. felt like It was Christmas present from my Dad to me he had been there that Christmas it went missing.

  5. I lost my mom 20 mths ago. She had lung cancer and was given 2 years however 10 weeks laters she was gone. It was too quick and for those 10 weeks I was able to get the mother I never had so I have truly lost a lot. I miss her terribly every day, some days more than others and it often takes something so small to trigger my grief and I can’t shake it. I have begger her to please give me a sign that she is ok, that she knows I love her and have always been thankful she was my mom. I look for anything and maybe I need to open my eyes a bit more. I am a devout Catholic and can’t stop the tears when I kneal to pray because I miss her so. She passed when I was 39 and I am approaching my 41st birthday and feel I should be so petty and need to accept it but for the life of me I can’t. I need to know she is ok so I will look for feathers, songs, dreams becacuse it is so important to me that she lets me know she is ok and is there for me. I am so close to my dad and as his health gets worse I am slowly falling apart and need to find that inner strength to get through this. I have enjoed reading all the post and want to open my heart to receiving a sign…. God Bless everyone.

    1. Thanks so much for your kind words, Terri. I’m sorry you lost your mom. I hope you find a sign from her soon. You might not see one right away, but it will come eventually.

      Peace and blessings,
      ~Mallary

    2. I am deeply sorry for your loss of your mother. I know we have never met but somehow I randomly found this website looking for some way to remember my mother’s birthday which is tomorrow. She passed away on March 18th and I am still so very sad. My heart is broken. I lost my mother and very best friend. After reading several of the posts on this website I came across yours and somehow could feel your grief and I could see myself in you. I never respond/reply to these type of things so this is totally out of character for me. I was compelled to reply to your post. I am a Christian and know that my mother has received the ultimate gift of healing and is now in heaven, rejoicing, finally pain free. But I miss her terribly and I too have been looking for signs of something, anything. I don’t know what I am looking for just something to feel close to her. I know that I will see my mother again in heaven but knowing that I will not see her again on this earth is unbearable. I miss her face, smile, eyes and the way I would crawl in bed with her to snuggle during her illness even as an adult. My mother would have turned 73 tomorrow. No matter how old we are we will always want our mothers (and fathers). I too am very close to my father and his health is not the best. I feel a huge weight on my shoulders. I feel responsible for things I have no control over. I feel like at times I am falling apart and that inner strength you talked about, I too am trying to find (I know it’s there…somewhere). I just wanted you to know that I said a special prayer for you and that your post made me feel that I am not alone and I pray that we both get a sign…anything to bring us comfort. God bless you and the many others who are dealing with their grief and saddness of the loss of a loved one.

      1. Hi Andrea,

        Sometimes essays like this find us when we need them the most. I’m sorry you lost your mom. Even if you haven’t found a sign yet, you will. When you feel like you’re “falling apart,” as you said, think about how strong your mom was and try to find the strength that she instilled in you. It’s ok to cry and be sad. That’s not being weak; that’s letting yourself acknowledge the sadness and being brave enough to feel it instead of burying it inside. Just don’t get stuck in sadness. Your mom would want you to be happy. 🙂

  6. Hello; I came across your blog about Spotting signs from loved ones who have died, it great to hear from others who reconize that our loved ones who have crossed over to heaven can and do leave us signs that they are still with us. I would like to share our website http://www.oursonbilly.com which is in honor of our son Billy who crossed over to heaven on June 26 2004. There you can read our story and view a few pages of the type of signs that we have and continue to receive from Billy.
    Have a great day
    Guy

    1. Thanks so much for taking the time to write and for sharing the link, Guy. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to lose a child. I’m glad you’ve been able to spot signs, though, that can at least help keep Billy’s memory alive. Keep up the good writing/website.

      All the best,
      ~Mallary

  7. I have recently lost my mother. She was my best friend and my childrens best friend. She died suddenly and my life will never be the same. I have so many regrets and feel like I have no closure. I am always looking for signs of her because I just do not know what I believe anymore. If I knew she was ok I could be ok..It is funny though because when I came accross your essay I couldnt help but read it. In your essay I seen where you were helping to plan a wedding and I recnelty have been asked to be a maid of honor in 2 weddings. This has been hard because I have to accept my mother will never see me or my daughters married. When I read that in your essay I immediatly thought what are the odds that I am struggling through this and yet you have it written in front of me. Was this a sign?? I am so lost and confused. I was blessed to have her for 29years but I feel life standing still now. Thank you so much for your story it did actually feel relieving to know I am not the only one feeling this way. It gives me some relief to know maybe one day I will come to an understanding with losing my mother. I am so sorry for your loss as well. God bless.

    1. Hi Karen,

      I’m glad you stumbled across this essay and that parts of it resonated with you. Maybe, as you said, it is a sign. While it’s good to be open to signs, I think we tend to see them the most when we’re not actively looking for them. Sometimes when we try to find them, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Let them come to you, and know that your mom’s watching down on you. While she may no longer be here, her memory still is, and that’s forever yours to hold onto.

      ~Mallary

  8. My mom Ann died on March 18th 2011. I am lost without her. She was my best friend and my only family. I can barely see through the tears to write this. I promised I would find her after she died and I seem to want to leave for that journey with her rather than stay here on this lonely earth. I can’t breath without seeing her.

    1. Hi Elaine,
      You are not alone. My mom Connie died on March 12 2011. She was diagnosed with end stage stomach cancer 1 month after I got married and 5 months later she died in my arms. I miss her so much there are times I can hardly breathe. I can not bear look at my wedding pictures. I just want to know that where ever she is – she is happy. I could go on just knowing that. I don’t have any words of comfort that I can offer you, but I want to thank you for sharing. I know I have kindred spirits out there. God Bless.

  9. My brother died this January from a stroke. My sister told me that when she went home following the funeral, that an electric candle she has lit itself up without being turned on. Myself, I kept looking for signs afterwards but my brother was never a birds or butterfly person plus he died in the winter. I kept my prayer card of my brother in a zipped section of my purse by itself. I bought a lottery ticket, put it in there & asked my brother to watch it for me. I found out the next day I won $150. Everyone has different signs. I hope I’m lucky enough to have dreams about him and have more signs.

  10. Strange Occurrences or Signs???

    Jan 2011 – Received an unusual advertizing flyer (junk mail) on “Cremation” in mid January. It began with “Dear Edgard” Found that strange. No one has called me Edgard since I was 17 years old so I kept it.
    Feb 2011 – Was trying to figure out how to play “Turn the Beat Around” by Gloria Estefan on my keyboard. Figured I’d drive over to the mall and purchase the CD. After purchasing and taking it home I noticed it also included “Traces of Love” a song I’ve always associated with my first love and childhood sweetheart!!!
    Feb 2011 – my current friend and life-partner shared she had a dream and premonition of profound sadness and death approaching. (I was clueless)
    May 2011 – Experienced another premonition of death. A black Styrofoam Halloween tombstone decoration with a big “RIP” was blown up against my house. I immediately recalled my lady friends words.
    April 2011 – after 42yrs since I met my childhood sweetheart and 35yrs since I last held her in my arms I suddenly felt a strong, unexplainable desire to find her. Although I’ve thought about her over the years I had never felt such a strong determination to seek her out before. Why Now??
    April 12, 2011 – After an intensive internet search I sadly discovered that my childhood sweetheart and the only real Love of my life passed away and was “Cremated” 6mos earlier on wed 29 Sept 2010 in Kissimmee, Florida at the age of 54 after a long battle with cancer :*(
    Since the I have communicated with her daughter and I am amazed at the similarities between our respective lives and careers!!!
    My head and logic tells me these were all simple consciences but my heart tells me these were much more!! Signs??? Was this her way of validating my feelings and telling me she never forgot???. I want to believe that with all my heart :*(

  11. Strange Occurrences or Signs???

    Jan 2011 – Received an unusual advertizing flyer (junk mail) on “Cremation” in mid January. It began with “Dear Edgard” Found that strange. No one has called me Edgard since I was 17 years old so I kept it.
    Feb 2011 – Was trying to figure out how to play “Turn the Beat Around” by Gloria Estefan on my keyboard. Figured I’d drive over to the mall and purchase the CD. After purchasing and taking it home I noticed it also included “Traces of Love” a song I’ve always associated with my first love and childhood sweetheart!!!
    Feb 2011 – my current friend and life-partner shared she had a dream and premonition of profound sadness and death approaching. (I was clueless)
    March 2011 – Experienced another premonition of death. A black Styrofoam Halloween tombstone decoration with a big “RIP” was blown up against my house. I immediately recalled my lady friends words.
    April 2011 – after 42yrs since I met my childhood sweetheart and 35yrs since I last held her in my arms I suddenly felt a strong, unexplainable desire to find her. Although I’ve thought about her over the years I had never felt such a strong determination to seek her out before. Why Now??
    April 12, 2011 – After an intensive internet search I sadly discovered that my childhood sweetheart and the only real Love of my life passed away and was “Cremated” 6mos earlier on wed 29 Sept 2010 in Kissimmee, Florida at the age of 54 after a long battle with cancer :*(
    Since the I have communicated with her daughter and I am amazed at the similarities between our respective lives and careers!!!
    My head and logic tells me these were all simple consciences but my heart tells me these were much more!! Signs??? Was this her way of validating my feelings and telling me she never forgot???. I want to believe that with all my heart :*(

  12. Hi my mom just passed 2 weeks ago i never knew i could feel pain like this i feel i wont make it through but i have to because im her eldest daughter and she always called me her right hand my youngest sister is 10 and she is autistic last night it finally hit her and she laid on the floor outside My moms room and cried the whole night it took everything in me not to lose it cause i had to comfort her it feels like the world ended on july 10 i talked to her the night before we laughed and joked like usual i told her id see her in the morning i need some kind of sign that she is alright & that we will be alright everybody says that the days will get better but it doesnt feel like i will ever get better

  13. I lost the love of my life of 5 years a few months ago. She was only 23, im only 29. I had it all when i had her and every day was a blessing. I loved life because i loved her so much and she was mine. I want to go on about how much she meant to me but words cant describe it. We were inseperable since the day we met. I did everything for her, completely disregaurded anything I needed to take care of my girl.
    Well, she died. Pretty much in my arms. The last thing i remember her saying to me was how much she loved me (which she didnt say often, she wasnt very emotional). I had heard her say it many times, but this time it was so special, i felt it this time, i mean really felt it.
    Well, one day I was about to leave my place to go work. I was walking past the guitar and decided to pick it up and play a song. I started playing “more than words” by xtreme. I played it for about 30 seconds and then left the house. On my way home from work, i couldnt get her out of my head, i was really sad. I have been questioning life, why we are here, whats the point, is there anything after this, will i see her again, etc. Well, i turned my radio on to her favorite station and sure enough “more than words” was playing. I thought that was awesome. Well, if it saw suposed to be a sign, my girl would know that she would have to do better than that to get me to believe it. I was listening to the song and questions were popping in my head. I started to ask myself, “how am i supposed to know if its real? Why wont God, if he does exist show me something i can understand, how are you supposed to believe in something you cant see?” Then, the second i thought that the next verse in the song was “all you have to do, is close your eyes, and just reach out your hand”…woah! Keep in mind, i didnt know the words to the song. I kept listening and questions kept coming. I had wondered to myself “why did your last words have to be the most meaningful i love you you have ever said to me?” I thought to myself that it would have been easier if she hadnt said that. Well, sure enough, the second i thought that, the next words in the song were “whaaaat would you say…..if i took those words away?” Oh my God, i was blown away. After that, 3 more songs in a row that all had significant meaning to me. Songs that i had known the words to like the back of my hand, all of a sudden had new meaning. My girl has been sending me signs like crazy. Her mom is mad because she hasnt gotten nearly as many as i have, lol. I miss her so much, i cry all the time, i think i see signs all the time and am sure that they are signs till the next day, when my logic kicks in and tells me that im making these things happen, or that its coincidence. I want to know that i’ll see her again. I want to believe in God, i want to believe in anything after this mortal life….as long as shes there. If shes not there, then id like to opt out and rest in peace myself. I love you Erin, I will always be yours, and i will never forget you.

    1. ROBBIE I TOO LOST THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, 6 YEARS AGO THIS PAST VALENTINES DAY. HE TURNED 23 YRS OLD 8 DAYS PRIOR TO HIS DEATH. I WONT LIE THE PAIN AND SADNESS NEVER WAIVERS THE LONELINESS HASNT YET SEEMED TO DISAPATE. I HAVE FOUND SOLICE IN KNOWING ONE DAY I WILL SEE HIM AGAIN. BUT UNTIL THEN I ONLY EXIST IM NOT LIVING. HE WAS MY EVERYTHING MUCH LIKE YOUR STORY IMMMEDIATELY WE CONNECTED FINISHING EACH OTHERS SENTENCES FROM THE FIRST DAY WE WERE SO DEEPLY IN LOVE WE COULDNT BEAR A MOMENT WITHOUT EACH OTHER BUT WEEKS AFTER I WAS GIVEN A GIFT A TRUE BLESSING I WAS INCONSOULABLE CRYING ASKING GOD TO TAKE ME I COULDNT LIVE THIS LIFE WITH MY SOULMATE SUDDENLY I FELT THIS WARMT ON MY BACK I KNEW IT WAS HIM HE WAS LAYING AGAINST ME LIKE HE ALWAYS DID AND INSTINCT TOLD ME LIFT YOUR LEG AND THEN MY LEGS COULDNT GOME TOGETHER HIS LEG WAS THERE BEWEEN MINE . MOST RECENTLY I WENT TO THE CEMETARY I LAID DOWN WHERE HE IS LAID I LOOK UP AS TO LOOK FOR HIM SUDDENLY BIRDS FLYING FORM A HUGE HEART IN THE SKY BEFORE FLYING AWAY I KNEW THAT WAS HIM SPEAKING FROM HIS HEART TO MINE HERES HOPING WE CAN SOMEDAY HEAL ART TO MINE.

  14. This is beautiful, my mom died at age 30 from cervic cancer, I was 14.. Its been a couple years now and it gets better. I truely understand so much of what you say. Angel by sarah is my moms funeral song and landslide by stevie nicks is a song she loved. Earlier tonight I broke down as I was researching a close friends lymph node surgury.. Anyways it hit a soft spot, I was crying and right then my computer skips the song and pandora lands on landslide. I just smiled and looked up, my mom always gets me when I least expect it. I love it, when she first died I saw the number 23 a lot, because her and her husband (stepdad) both died aug. 23.. Five years apart from eachother. I take comfort that she left us to be eith teddy on the same day! As much as it hurts I make myself talk about and remember her- I would be so sad if I forgot her laugh or her gestures. I have her purfume and rarely use it (only soecial occasions like my graduation, my wedding I will wear it too because I will be reminded of her!) I love having all of her purses and shoes! Most of all I am glad I am her living ledgend.

  15. I have lost the love of my life, when we first laid eyes on each other 15.5yrs ago it was love at first sight I was n still am blown away with how much I loved him n what he meant to me… he decided to take his own life May 24/2012 I will never understand we he chose to be without us We have been raising 5 beautiful children together, the 3 little ones were joint;y ours but he was an amazing devoted Dad to all of them I am breathless without him n find it hard to not cry every single day… I miss him so much n seeing our precious children in pain n missing him is almost more then I can bear.. I know I have to be strong for them… but why wasn’t he strong for me… I have had signs he amazingly had the most awesome rainbow I have ever seen arc across the place where we chose to have his wake n the song that was playing wen we walked in there was Can you forgive me?? I I I I should of known better & I I I I love you… almost brought me to my knees…the next day we had to go n drop off photos at the church that they were going to run for the service n again there was a massive rainbow arc across the top of the church…The day of the funeral I was given a beautiful glass mood flame holder n it had been lit for approx 2 hrs… my 9yr old son wanted to extinguish it n I was telling him how important it was to be careful as it was fire. Dad would want you to be careful… He went to put the metal plunger down towards it n the flame went low he took it bak up n the flame went high again so again he went to put the plunger down on the flame but it extinguished about an inch before the stopper reached it N I sed see daddy doesnt want you to get hurt 🙂 🙂 🙂 we have had other things happen to but just so wish he was here.. Cannot wait until I am in his arms again…o

  16. It would of been our 14th Wedding Anniversary last week I am Bereft forever without him………….Please anyone who thinks that suicide doesn’t cause untold pain Consider the pain n trauma YOU WILL leave your loved ones in… It is devestation of mass proportions that we may never recover from……..tenfold to what you may be feeling…… is this a reason to end your life Just reach out you will be amazed at how many people truly do love you n want you to stay… I would do anything to turn back the hands of time & still have him here with us……It is tragic for everyone……..

  17. Thank you for writing this. I lost my husband of 30 years, 3 years ago. I’m heartbroken, stuck in a place of missing him so much, feeling so abandoned. Thanks to you sharing this, I also can look for signs. Thank you!

  18. Three weeks ago today I lost my darling mum. I have a huge aching hole inside and am desperate to feel her, hear her voice, receive a sign from her…I dont know if or how it will happen but I need it desperately…She was very sick altho only 69 and suffered from COPD when finally Pneumonia got her and she was just too weak to fight back this time…I know she deserved not to suffer any longer but I am sooo sad she left me

    1. Hello Helen,
      In January 2017, I lost my partner of 40 years to COPD too. Like your mum he suffered pneumonia as a complication of the disease. His funeral is on Monday and I don’t know I will go through life without him. My hope is that when I pass over we will be reunited, and so will you with your mum. Look out for signs that she is close to you.

  19. My healthy sister called us and told us she was in the hospital. I travelled there and found she has stage 4 ovarian cancer and was dying. my other two sisters joined me for the week while we comforted Cait in hospice. on the day she died, we had gone out for fresh air. a butterfly landed on top of my head and massaged me.It was the shadow I saw and it actually touched my scalp.my other 2 sisters told me I had it in my head and we all jsut stopped and looked at one another.Then the phone rang. the nurse called to tell us cait has just passed. WE all knew Cait had given us the sign.My elderly parents some 800 miles away felt her too.My mo experienced a push against her..almost wind knocked out of her and my dad I came in hous entering oxygen…when we called them they already knew she had passed

  20. My sister passed away 15 years ago. She was only 16 years old. At the time I was 18 years old. When she died, my mother was a wreck and did not function for about a month. I could not really grieve at the time as I had to take care of my mom and my baby sister. As time passed I started to feel better. But every now and then I feel heavy and I feel so sad. It feels like she died today. I try to think what was the last thing that I said to her but I cannot remember. She died so suddenly. Anyway, I just want to thank you for all the posts. After reading this I know that she is with me and my mom. I feel so much better.

  21. I thought that was beautiful and what I found to b interesting is I played thatsong by celine dion at my grandmas funeral but my mom died jan 22 2013 and my daddec 08 2013 those 3 people were my family and now they are gone and my bday is 26 of july im afraid as time goes by its going to get easier to forget them

  22. I lost my mom just nine days ago. My mom was my best friend and I was her caretaker for the most part. After my mom had passed, I was searching for some kind of sign that she was ok and that she was still with me. I kept envisioning a red bird. A week to the day that she had her heart attack and I received that terrible call stating she was being sent by ambulance to the ER, I awakened suddenly remembering that fateful day, at the same time I had received the call to go to the hospital the week before. As I gathered my wits and sat in front of my kitchen window, suddenly I saw the most beautiful red cardinal sitting in a tree on my back deck. I knew that was my sign. I quickly rushed to get my camera and just as I was about to take its picture, the beautiful bird flew away. The same day I was walking in my yard, and noticed one lonely rose blooming, actually hiding behind some iron work in my flower garden. What were the chances of that happening?. Again there was my sign, as my mother was an avid gardener in her younger years, that she gracefully instilled in me. She won’t be forgotten and I remember the last thing I said to her was “come visit me”.

  23. Yes. There are signs. There are real signs. Signs from those we love who have passed. My husband often laughs at me. My grandmother lightly scolds. These signs are gentle, sincere, and always loving, always. Isn’t it wonderful to know, to really know that passing is just a simple, natural part of life? It’s a stunning, truly stunning and complete understanding. I sometimes think that is the reason we all do pass. To pass along this brilliant understanding to those we love.

  24. Thank You for sharing your thoughts, stories and emotions. Signs are an important part of grieving and being open to our loved ones still being around who passed.

  25. My condolences to you. So sorry bout your Mama loosing her battle to cancer. That cancer is an awful thing. My Aunt survived 2 bouts of ovarian cancer and is now cancer free…. (Thank you Jesus). I lost my Mama Feb 7th and its been very hard because my Dad left her over 30 years ago for another woman. They had 6 kids and 1 grandchild with 1 on the way at the time. My Mama had never had a job bc of my Dad. He believed that men work and women were housewives and Mothers. She then became Mom an Dad bc for a long time we didn’t kno where he was. He ended up raising a kid that wasn’t his and no, that didn’t settle too good for some of us kids. My Mother NEVER bar hopped she went out on one date and never did again. She always told my me and my husband that God was her man. She went to heaven still loving my Dad. Well I reconnected with my Dad about 13 years ago and about 4-5 months ago he found out he has leukemia. He’s gona survive that. But since my Mamas passing I just can’t bring myself to connect with him. Really don’t kno why. Anyways about a month and a half ago I started finding dimes. Nothing but dimes. I told my Aunt (one of Mama’s sisters) about it and she told me real quick like that it was Mama. Could it be? But I don’t understand what the dimes mean. Hopefully someone will read this and kno what it means. Thanks for sharing your story.

    Sincerely,
    Lavenna White Meeks

  26. The two year anniversary of my mother’s death is coming up and I started wondering if she really forgives me for the things I said and did. I’ve been wanting a sign. Finding this post on the 2nd or 3rd click is definitely a sign for me. My mother’s middle name was Jean and she was born in Providence and lived there her entire life until the last year when she came to the sunshine state with me. Coincidences? I don’t think so, and for that I am relieved and thank you. I’m sorry for your loss, at such a young age.

  27. My daughter, Taryn, a coastal biologist, passed away in April from a brain aneurysm at the age of 26. Last week, to remember her birthday, her dad and I went to the beach where she had lived and worked and had loved so dearly. As we walked along the beach, I noticed my husband seemed to be searching for something in the sand. Taryn always loved finding treasures on the beach, but it was always a special joy for her when she would find a sharks tooth. I suspected that was what my husband was looking for, so I began to chat with Taryn in my mind to help “Daddy” find a sharks tooth (his eyes are bad and he did not have his glasses.). I noticed him suddenly stooping and sifting through the sand. He stood up and excitedly called me over to him. I said, “you found a sharks tooth, didn’t you?” He had indeed, and told me that he had also been asking for Taryn’s help when he was suddenly inspired to dig through the sand and there it was—a beautiful, perfect specimen. We both felt her spirit so strongly in that moment that all we could do was hold each other and cry with joy.

    That evening, we had dinner at her favorite beach grill and planned to take a sunset stroll following dinner. During dinner, I had another “mind chat” with Taryn and asked her to bless us with one more sign of her presence that evening. We began our walk in the beach and spotted in a tidal pool a beautiful Royal Starfish. It was a spectacular blue and orange starfish, larger than my husband’s hand. We admired it for a short time and tossed it back into the sea, as we knew she would want us to do. We know this was a gift from Taryn, because her dad is an avid Florida Gators fan (colors blue and orange), and Taryn and her dad always had fun ribbing each other about the team. We have asked numerous locals if they had ever seen one of these beautiful starfish, and thus far, no one has.

    1. Thanks so much for sharing this story, Melody. I’m so sorry for your loss. I love that you’ve been spotting signs from Taryn and have found them to be so comforting. I hope you continue to come across them; I’m sure you will!

      ~Mallary

  28. Very nice reading Thanks for sharing. Just read this to my daughter who is having trouble accepting her father’s death she’s 8. Again thanks for sharing it helps! We my daughter and I went to a healing hearts grief camp. My daughter’s dad was an outdoors man and wore a bandana a lot he had one that was pink. When we checked into the our cabin she opened the dresser drawers and she found a pink worn out bandana! (be knew I am a city girl scared to be in the woods without him!) And that I only attended in hope for my child to feel better, for I don’t do things where I don’t know anyone either! Finding that allowed me to feel I was doing the right thing and he was there for us. It too comforted our daughter. No one there knew him nor that he wore bandanas much less a pink one. I HAVE no idea except it must have been his way….

  29. Forgot to add in my last post… I was driven to find comfort reading about grief to read to our daughter for her dad read to her a lot (i don’t like reading aloud) something directed me to your story I have never seen this before but I was relating to your story and then the date the birth date…. Same as mine! The good Lord works in mysterious ways!

  30. Thank u for this mi mom past away strong women short pretty heart good heaven an I’m the same way an now I c y she did what she did cause wen she moved on I seen the heart an pain in a lot of people an i no mi mom lives on in a lot of people’s heart an plus she just came to mi daughter today in church she’s 8 years old an couldn’t stop crying mi mothers is her gardening angel love everyone hate nothing

  31. This is so beautiful.i lost my mom last year due to lung cancer seeing her fade away was the hardest part and i am only 23. I also lost my father 4 years ago due to a heart attack

  32. I just wanted to let you know your not alone. I have signs of my deceased loved ones. I was looking for answers when i came across. Your beautiful story.
    Just wanted to say my grandma passed away. Years later I move into a friends home and I find her name “sue!” Engraved in the cement of the garage.

  33. I live in moms house-it’s my house now. Has been for ten years. It’s still moms house and I work hard to use moms style and moms love to those who visit moms house. Mom died in this house but life fills it now with three beautiful granddaughters, one named after her and noise that comes when we all gather-not often but meaningfully in moms house where I live. At Christmas time as it is now there is more of mom in this house. Because I talk more like mom, I certainly cook like mom, my heart is wide and generous like moms. My children who are in their mid thirties silently comment to their dad that their mom now is a lot like my mom. Every Christmas I get sentimental. One christmas- last Christmas I got way too sentimental as I went on and on as I sat in moms dining room having the foods mom cooked and talked to my children and their loved ones there present about my mom. I could tell my emotional stories and my homage to my mom was lost on them and I could not help but ask “when I am gone from moms house will they remember me… talk about me to my granddaughters or even care that I am no longer there?” As I remind them each year that we must talk about those gone who taught us, loved us, worried about us and inspired us it seems like it falls on uncaring deaf ears. God give me the wisdom to accept the things I cannot change. As I have faced major health challenges this past year I am preparing my thoughts to understand that I too closing In on life on this earth. That gods plan will be perfected in me and with me. I am sure of that. There will come a time when perhaps still in moms house-the house I hope to leave to my precious most loving child Courtney -when I am sure stories will be told of my mom and their mom now gone but hopefully not forgotten and their children-my grandchildren will look away with disinterest as they are doing now. But they too will see the signs of those gone but still here in the music that comes in times they need encouragement most, in license plate numbers of cars who quickly weave into their line of traffic , in sightings of stray cats that were moms favorites and it goes on and in. One of my three children courtney who is most like me and has the heart that’s full of giving will see and understand and in her silent reverence she will pay honor and praise to those two women-her nanny and her mom not there at that table in moms house but very much there is spirit

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